It’s been awhile …
I have several drafts of posts I never finished waiting for me. I thought I would share the last one with you to help explain why I have been absent.
If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
Ernest Hemingway A Farewell to Arms
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.
RUMI
People often say that the situation that broke them, illness, divorce, death of a loved one, financial ruin was ultimately a gift, that in putting the pieces together again that discovered who they really were, found purpose and renewed passion for life. This dark night of the soul leads them to a new and better place.
This doesn’t always happen though. Some people never fully recover. The dark night of the soul leaves them stuck. Their spirit is broken and they can not move forward. They ” go back to sleep so to speak” I am broken. Yes, I am getting up and going to work and running my errands. I have even recently begun seeing friends and having some fun, but make no mistake, on the inside I am shattered. I am not the same as I was 6 months ago. Not better, not worse, just different. I am trying to stay awake and make my self strong at the broken places. I am being kind to myself, allowing time, the great healer to do its work. I know though that I have work to do myself. Finding your purpose is not as easy as you think. The one thing I do know is you can’t deny the pain. There is no way around it. But then again, I can direct the journey.